Dear Mom, I didn't make Easter baskets this year. I didn't want to. The girls already have so much--so many lovely things... we've truly all been blessed in so many ways. Aria even said to tell the Easter Bunny that he can skip over our house so that he has extra to share with other kids who might need the surprises more. You'd have been proud. I was. She added that she didn't think Norah Jane would mind either since she's "too little to eat candy and doesn't have any teeth yet". Speaking of the baby, I know there have been a lot of changes since she was born--and although the older two understand the need to share their time with me, I still want to make sure they know that their importance doesn't diminish... their place in my life isn't any less prominent because there's one more to share my triply-expanded heart with. I remember the little notes you'd leave for Jenn, Tris, and I with "token gifts" as you'd call them... and how you always seemed to know how to make a single item mean so much more than any room filled with presents ever could. A musical snow globe... a stuffed giraffe plush that could fit into the palm of my hand... a hand-written letter, or a simple candy cane ornament. It was your heart... the love woven into every aspect of you being our Mom. I thought about it, but I didn't make any Easter baskets this year. Instead, I purchased 2 empty books with delicately decorated pages and penned a letter in each--hopefully the first of many. The girls are growing up so fast and I never want to miss out on our time together... you've taught me how precious it truly is... and how fleeting. I still cherish our letters to each other, me and you... except now, tears accompany the smiles as I read. I miss you, Mom. Love always, "Pookie"
Tag: precious moments
15 October 2020: She saw her move.
Norah Jane at 13 weeks... back at the beginning of September, before we knew her name. I took this video of my ultrasound because my family wasn't allowed in with me. I wanted to be able to show the girls their baby sibling, our parents their new grandbaby, etc. and of course Daddy needed to see his little one too. ♡ I sent this video to my Mom right after I showed it to Nate and the girls... it was the last one she saw of the baby... then I updated her when the lab results came back saying she's a girl (we didn't know at the time of this ultrasound). My Mom was overjoyed to be able to see her grandbaby in motion... "so active!", "I never got to see you girls quite like this when I was pregnant with you." It baffled us both that there are still people in the world who could witness such a miracle of life and see anything but. Life is precious. So while I'm heartbroken that my Mom isn't here for the rest of this journey (and goodness how it aches), I am thankful that she got to 'meet' our blessing in her own way and that little Norah was able to bring extra joy and love to her life... even while still in the womb. I'm sharing this special moment because it's one of those little happy thoughts I cling to when discouragement tries to keep me focused on my Mom's absence instead of all the ways she was present. ♡ And still is... just a little differently. Keep reminding me, please.
14 September 2018: Be hugs & kisses
I learned a very important lesson from my 5-year-old daughter this morning as we waited for the bus. She handed me a string bracelet that she had made. It had one purple strand, one pink strand, and was held together by a single folded-up piece of clear tape (it even had a few dust-fuzzies stuck on the adhesive). The beads she had chosen for the special gift spelled out: “B” “O” “X”—except the “B” was going the wrong way…endearing kindergarten style. She smiled proudly when she handed it to me, and said, “Mommy, I made this for you!” “Oooh! It says, ‘box’… is this because of all of the unpacking we’ve been doing lately?” She paused, looked at me as though I was missing the point completely, and corrected me with, “No. That’s not what it means. It’s ‘be hugs and kisses’ because you always try to make people feel better.” [Thankfully, she hasn't witnessed the times when my words have been hurtful to others too... that's not to say they don't exist.] My eyes filled with tears as the bus drove away. It astounds me how children say fleetingly simple things with such an echoingly profound figurative truth… and they don’t even realize it. “Be hugs and kisses…” It’s easy to go through the day gathering grudges to hold onto indefinitely. With our words alone, we are often quick to be insult, to be scrutiny, to be reprimand, or to be bitterness. Society judges relentlessly already. We’re all fighting battles of varying degrees. Sometimes, even though it’s easier to get upset or to lash out—we could change someone else’s day just by offering kindness instead… a smile… some understanding… or patience… by letting the things we say ‘be hugs and kisses’ instead of cuts and bruises (myself included).
Kaleidoscopic Grace 