Tag: pregnancy grief

Posted in Dear Mom

1 February 2021: I broke down.

Posted on by Kaleidoscopic Grace 
Dear Mom,

I'm missing you so darn much today... even worse the closer and closer it gets to your youngest granddaughter being here. 

They say babies can hear in the womb, so I've been trying to 'teach' Norah her name, talking to her, reading to her, and singing to her... just a few more weeks to go yet--if she can even stay in that long... she's really trying to make her debut early like I did. 

I started singing her the "Norah" version of the "Pookie Pie" lullaby you wrote for me as a baby... and then customized for each of your grandchildren... I could almost hear you singing it with me... I remember as a child how soothing it was (even though you'd always make fun of your own voice)... and when you rocked Machaela to sleep with the very same lullaby... Aria too... I still have little video clips of those precious moments safely tucked away in my memories... I broke down. I couldn't even finish the song. I'm sorry.


I miss you so much I can't stand it. 

Love always,
"Pookie"
---
Pookie Pie lullaby
Little one, don't you cry
Mommy loves Pookie
Daddy does too
Jenny does
Trissy does
Grammy and Nana do
We all love Pookie,
Pookie too. 
---
...you made sure we never felt unloved.
Posted in Dear Mom

15 October 2020: She saw her move.

Posted on by Kaleidoscopic Grace 
Norah Jane at 13 weeks... back at the beginning of September, before we knew her name. 

I took this video of my ultrasound because my family wasn't allowed in with me. 

I wanted to be able to show the girls their baby sibling, our parents their new grandbaby, etc. and of course Daddy needed to see his little one too. ♡

I sent this video to my Mom right after I showed it to Nate and the girls... it was the last one she saw of the baby... then I updated her when the lab results came back saying she's a girl (we didn't know at the time of this ultrasound). My Mom was overjoyed to be able to see her grandbaby in motion... "so active!", "I never got to see you girls quite like this when I was pregnant with you." 

It baffled us both that there are still people in the world who could witness such a miracle of life and see anything but. Life is precious. 

So while I'm heartbroken that my Mom isn't here for the rest of this journey (and goodness how it aches), I am thankful that she got to 'meet' our blessing in her own way and that little Norah was able to bring extra joy and love to her life... even while still in the womb.

I'm sharing this special moment because it's one of those little happy thoughts I cling to when discouragement tries to keep me focused on my Mom's absence instead of all the ways she was present. ♡ And still is... just a little differently.  Keep reminding me, please.
Posted in Dear Mom

30 September 2020: Inadvertent birth announcement.

Posted on by Kaleidoscopic Grace 
I'm sorry for any confusion; there really hasn't been an appropriate time to make a special announcement with everything going on the past few months... so we were going to wait a while longer. 

But my Mom's writeup in the "Morning Call" sort of made the announcement for us. 

My Mom would have wanted it written that way, though. She believed that each life is precious right from the start... even before birth [and so do I]. She was already excited to meet her newest grandbaby in 2021... we talked about different name suggestions and their meanings;  she was never bashful about telling me which combinations sounded weird or if the potential initials/monogram would spell out an uncouth acronym.
 
While I stood next to my Mom's bedside early Thursday morning, I leaned over to whisper the name we chose for our little girl. So, yes... "Norah Jane" is ours... and she is named after the most remarkable woman I've ever known... Patty Jane Terry. ♡